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, if the u.s. supreme court does overturn the right of first sale. >> you are hearing a case that if they rule one way would say to us, we the people, hey, you can't sell your own stuff. >> it would almost make ebay illegal. >> stephen: ebay illegal? that could destabilize the global market in welcome back kotter board games. but don't worry. even if the supreme court sides with wiley and sons t wouldn't mean you can't sell anything. the court has ruled that the right of first sale applies to any product manufactured in the united states. so you are free to resell anything still made in america like your truck or your meth. and you would be able to resell anything made overseas as long as you have the permission of the original copyright holder. for instance, i am having a garage sale this weekend. some of the stuff was made overseas, so i am simply calling all the copyright holders to work out a profit sharing arrangement. here we go. okay. >> -- . >> stephen: elvis costello, it's stephen colbert. >> stephen, how are you? >> stephen: well, i'm okay, elvis. but i've got a pro
and applause) we begin tonight with the attacks on the u.s. consulate in benghazi, libya. it was a tragic situation where american lives were lost and in the three months since the attack, legitimate questions of adequate embassy security, americas overall advocacy in fighting the war on terror and the intricate dance between national security confidentiality and the public's right to know have all been distilled down, thrown out and replaced with this one urgent conclusion concerning current u.s. ambassador to united nations susan rice. >> i will do everything in my power to black her from being the united states secretary of state. she's not qualified. >> jon: that's senator john mccain continuing his seven year quest to negate every good thing he'd ever done prior to that. (laughter) this time leading the charge to preempt as an of now hypothetical obama nomination for secretary of state to replace hillary clinton. why? because five days after the benghazi attacks, susan rice went on the sunday talk shows and said this: . >> the best assessment we have today is that in fact this was no
from being the u.s. of a to the u.s. of eh. well, folks, i think i found it, fasten your seat belts. and incidentally, if are you wearing seat belts to watch tv, you're part of the problem. >> it sounds preposterous but the united states has to factor into the cold ware to possibly nuke the moon. >> they say the plan call force an intercontinental ballistic missile to be launched from an undisclosed location, travel to the moon and detonate on impact with the height of the cold ware, security scares all around, american leaders felt they needed to give a jolt to the soviet union. >> stephen: we were going to nuke the moon and we didn't! (laughter) this is earth-shattering news. when it should have been moon shattering news. clearly this, this moment is when america stepped back from greatness. oh, let's see, what's the best way to send the rescu rescue-- russ keyes a message. a tense u.s. security council meeting, no, you light up the goddamn moon way nuclear haloso bright kruschev can read pravda at midnight. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: oh, and what milk toast nancy pants pus
in that a senior u.s. defense official does tell us that the e-mails with jill kelley and general allen were flirtatious in nature. (laughter). >> jon: you broke into the broadcast for that? this just in! the captain of the varsity football team jeremy winters is believed to have -- what's that? yes, i am getting confirmation! he totally (bleep) tammy blankenship under the bleachers. what's that? marsha says so as well? that's two sources. (laughter) by the way, we haven't even got on the the most amazing fact about these flirtatious e-mails. >> the f.b.i. has turned over 20,000 to 30,000 pages of documents found during the probe. many are e-mails between allen and kelley sent over the last two years. >> 30,000 pages of e-mails? i can understand that if stephen king and george r.r. martin were having an affair. (laughter) those are some prolific mother (bleep)ers. (laughter) but there's a fine line between seduction and spamming someone. (laughter) i don't think i've got than many e-mails ever and i was on the obama campaign mailing list. so okay the general, his biographer, his successor, a
about this? >> law enforcement and multiple u.s. officials tell nbc news that emails between him and paula broadwell, his biography were indicative of an extra marital affair. >> jon: really? email? all they had to do to nab america's spy-master general is log to his email? we can intrigue that little sound bite up a little bit? >> law enforcement and multiple u.s. officials tell abc news that emails between him and paula broadwell his biographer were indicative of an extra marital affair. >> jon: how exciting. wait. ( cheers and applause ) the woman involved is petraeus' biographer paula broadwell. why does that name seem so familiar to me? please welcome to the program paula broadwell. no, no, that's not it. oh, wait. that is it. by the way, in case anyone out there thought i may have actual journalist instincts, i give you a quick snippet of my interview. >> he's a very high-energy person. he loves serving. he loves to be in the arena >> i thought i would test him but he would test me. >> crushed his pelvis. it was back in the swimming pool. from a mentoring point of view want
, the president of the u.s.a., the united states of arithmetic, nate silver will be joining us ( cheers and applause ) it was a big night last night. the big news, of course, president barack obama not just re-elected but seemingly given fresh batteries. >> we remain more than a collection of red states and blue states. ry are and forever will be the united states of america. and together, with your help, and god's grace, we will continue our journey forward. ( laughter ). >> jon: so that's all it took for to you get back in the groove was the fact that you never have to run for president again? ( laughter ) that's all it took? ( cheers and applause ) of course, on the other side, governor mitt romney broke the bad news to his supporters before reluctantly being asked to pose for his family's yearly christmas card. ( laughter ). that is a good-looking bunch. it's like they-- the people that came in the frames. across the nation, the people spoke, legalizing gay marriage in maine and maryland. legalizing marijuana in washington state, and colorado-- ( cheers and applause ) gay marriage.
and subsequently canceled them made up 4% of all quote traffic in the u.s. stock market. that's right. one algorithm is 4% of all trades. the other 96% were people dumping facebook stock. (laughter) and the source of that mysterious algorithm is unknown but experts suspect it was designed to gum up the system so it slows down others and allows the computer traders to gain a money-making opportunity. in other words, not only was he fast, he made everyone else slower. like if instead of just doping lance armstrong also made everyone else eat a turkey dinner. (laughter) now some say -- (applause) some say all this -- (cheers and applause) they still love you, lance. now, some say all this computer trading is dangerous but i say it's actually safer because if the stock market ever crashes again, instead of brokers jumping out of windows in a panic they'll simply turn on their computer and see the soothing message "error 404, economy not found." (cheers and applause) because, really, what's the worst that can happen? here to tell us the worst that could happen is the author of "automate this: h
rye root in the u.s. again. we have a bunch of cities where workers are trained in machinery and advanced manufacturing and companies are starting to look maybe we in-source instead of out-source but we'll have to change the tax code to make sure there's a strong case. >> jon: if congress was obstinate before won't they still be there or do you get to at some point there, and i'll throw a phrase out there, abracadabra. so if their o obstinnance creat the problem how do we change that? >> maybe we can get democrats elected and change it back. number two, when you look at some of the things we need to look let's say in the first year, 2013, we need things balanced. it will be settled one way or another next year. the question is do we do it in a balanced responsible way or not asking millionaires and billionaires to pay a dime of taxes to preserve education. >> jon: wait, this is the first time i'm hearing about billio billionaires. what are you doing us? >> jon? >> jon: no, i'm going float to commercial and we'll have a conversation. we do have to go to >> jon: welcome back. h
that is ruined now because the u.s. anti-doping agency is accused armstrong of leading a massive doping program throughout his career. i don't understand why they're coming down on lance for doping! of course you need drugs to compete in a multiweek bicycle race! you need drugs just to watch one! (laughter) and now my friend lance has received the harshest punishment in the history of cycling. >> cycling's international governing body stripped lance armstrong of his seven tour de france titles and banned him for life from the sport. >> stephen: so what are they going to do to the titles now, give them to the runners up? oh, i'm sure they weren't doping. they finished second behind a guy who rocketed up mountain sides with powdered monkey nut injected into his heart. (laughter) yeah, these guys are clean, no doubt. squeaky. (laughter) but, folks, losing his seven titles is not the worst news for lance. >> experts estimate lance armstrong might lose up to $200 million now that his big sponsors have dropped out-- nike radio shack, trek. >> stephen: that's $199,999,997 from nike and trek and a pair
an election and tonight on this program, the winner of that election, the president of the u.s.a., the united states of arithmetic, nate silver will be joining us ( cheers and applause ) it was a big
their entire fleet. - yeah, well, he's from a lawless country. - there's no laws. here in the u.s., you gotta work within the system. okay, if you want a handicap parking pass, you gotta go out and get a handicap parking pass. you gotta beat the system up from the inside. like rappers with vaginas. like, because they beat 'em. - yeah. - whatever it takes, man. i just don't want to get another ticket. i mean, is it weird if we made up a handicap, like, a disease? what's the disease that old people get where you start forgetting things? what is that? - old timers. - yeah, still, i don't know if that's a good idea. it's not cool to pretend you're handicapped. right? - whoa! i got it. telamericorp is hiring, right? we can ask our real-life handicapped cousin devin to work here, and use his pass! - yeah. that'll work. - all right. - i haven't seen him in a while, though. i'm excited to see him. he couldn't come to thanksgiving because my grandma's house has stairs, and he can't walk up stairs! [laughing] oh, man, that guy. - oh, jeez! are there cats everywhere? [cats meowing] - [whispers] devin? -
Search Results 0 to 40 of about 41 (some duplicates have been removed)

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